Mama's Boys

              I have 2 biological children and 3 stepchildren. I have been blessed biologically with a boy and a girl – the very best of both worlds! – but there is a difference between the bonds I have for each of them. One is not stronger or better than the other; they are just different. My daughter is now 10 years old and I am no longer someone she sees as a “friend” or, what my mom always said, my buddy. She now views me as “Mom” and that’s it. Granted, when she was small, she would hug me and kiss me all the time but not so much now that it’s just not cool to kiss your mom in public.

                My boy is still a baby to me (he just turned 3) and boy oh boy does he ever love his mama. He runs to me when I come home from work and throws his arms around me. I love that so much. Sometimes I wonder if this bond feels so different because I almost lost him when he was born (he has Cerebral Palsy and a whole other slew of health problems), or if it is because my life was different when I had him, or just because little boys are so darn precious. Whatever the reason, there is something special about the bond I have with him. Because of this bond with him, I have decided to write a few rules or tips for Moms and their boys.

1.       Let him be tough – Let him bang on his trucks or get him a play tool set, fully equipped with hammer and drill. He will want to be tough like his daddy … let him. Boys look up to the men in their lives and this is an important role that Dad plays. If Dad is not present, as is the case in some families, this is where brothers or Grandpas take part.

2.       It is okay to let him play with dolls – Many moms (and more dads) disagree with this but playing with dolls teaches him how to hold babies and care for tiny and precious things.

3.       Talk to him about everything – Talk to him. Tell him what you are doing when you are in the kitchen or when you are doing laundry. Explain to him … well, explain everything. Even if he is itty-bitty, he will absorb your words. But don’t just tell him what you are doing, explain WHY you are doing it, and tell him the consequence of not taking that action.

4.       Teach him consequences – For every action there is a reaction. This applies to everything in his life. If he works hard at school and gets good grades, he will have a better chance at a better college. If he gets into a better college, he will be more likely to land a good job and will be able to support himself. If he gets poor grades, the opposite with happen. If you believe in Karma, this comes into play here also. If you want good things to happen to you, do good things for others, or for the world.

5.       Teach him about finances – Teach him to save money and be frugal yet spontaneous. He needs to know how to budget his money and save for emergencies but he also needs to know that it is okay to spend money on things that he wants. He will need to know the difference between needs and wants, but once everything is taken care of that he needs, he can get the things he wants.

6.       He needs to know how to cook and clean – Knowing how to take care of your own home is something that should start early. Kids as young as 2 years old can start helping out around the house. Starting at an early age can help buffer some of the shock of a 12 year old just now having to start washing dishes or doing laundry. He may buck against you now but he (or at least his wife!) will appreciate it later in life.

7.       Home-cooked meals are always the better choice – I was raised with a home-cooked meal every day when I was younger and I do that for my family. We have all the food groups and sit at the table together. Even if he is cooking for one, it does not take much to peel a couple potatoes and bake a piece of chicken. It is so much healthier and satisfying than a t.v. dinner or take-out. Not to mention, it is easier on the stomach as much as it is easier on the wallet.

8.       Be his biggest fan and loudest cheerleader – He will look to you for encouragement in sports, in school, and life in general. Let your pride emanate through your eyes and your smile. Encourage him to keep up the great work and to always do his best.

9.       Let him fall – And that he will do. Many times. Sometimes it hurts to see him fall or fail but it is important for him to learn to pick himself back up. You can be there to encourage him but do it from the sidelines. The worst thing you can do is enable him or coddle him. Teach him to learn from that fall and teach him how to make sure he has proper footing so as to not make the same mistake again.

10.   Get him a dog – Dogs are a man’s best friend. He will need to walk the dog to keep him healthy; provide fresh food and water; love and care for it; and the responsibility of caring for something that is dependent upon him.

11.   KISS HIM … LOTS!! Steal kisses every chance you get. No matter how old he is, kiss him. You’re his mom. You made those cheeks. It is your God-given right to kiss them at your will J .  He may scoff at you when he is in front of his friends or in front of his new girlfriend, but he will secretly love it.

12.   Encourage friendships with both males and females – Having healthy relationships with members of both sexes will help him be more rounded as an individual. He will learn that women are different than men and cannot be lumped all together into one.

13.   Be assertive but not bossy – Being assertive will help him get the things he wants out of life but being bossy will make him ugly. Nobody likes a bossy person. He will need to know the difference between the two in order to be successful.

14.   Have fun – It is just as important to have fun as it is to be responsible. There needs to be a certain degree in both but he needs to be able to let loose and have some fun. This is, after all, the only life we get. We must make the best of it. Teach him the importance of traveling to the places he wants to see, tasting different foods especially from different cultures, playing games, and laughing. Teach that there can be fun in everything he does.

15.   No matter where he goes, you will be there – Whether he’s down the block or on the other side of the world, he will never be alone. You will be there in his heart and in his corner rooting for him. Because of all those things you taught him while growing up, he will know what to do. He will feel your guidance and your quiet words in the back of his mind steering him in the right direction. Make sure he knows that he will never ever be alone.

Remember Moms, no matter how old your baby boy is, he will still be your baby boy. Teach him these things and trust that you have done a fine job. It may not always seem like it but no one ever said being a mom is easy … and I don’t know one mom who is perfect. Although my mom likes to say that she is as close to perfect as one can get J

Leaving Footprints

Sometimes people come into our lives and then leave shortly after. Although their presence is brief, they never leave you without leaving something with you. This something they leave may be tangible, something you can touch or see, but this something may also be very subtle, such as the way you perceive things, or how you respond to everyday life. Whether that “something” is tangible or not, they leave their footprints.

                Today I said goodbye to someone that has become my friend. We worked together and shared in many ups and downs over the course of several months. She has moved on to better things and I could not be happier for her. I, however, am going through a range of emotions. I am a bit envious that she has been able to free herself from the shackles of bondage from that “place;” I am a bit sad that I will not see her everyday anymore because she was what kept me grounded when I wanted to turn my filter off; but above all, I am very happy for her.

                I made a post recently about where I find my inspiration. I find it from her. Despite the fact that I will no longer see her every day, she will continue to inspire me.

                So Sarah, I wish you the absolute very best on your new journey. Starting over can be hard (I think it can be more scary than anything!) but you will do great. They are very lucky to have you, and that “place” is going to feel your loss. We lost a very valuable asset today. Not only will the staff miss you dearly but so will all those customers that you have taken such good care of for the last couple years. I have learned a great deal from you and will carry that knowledge with me forever. I hope that I was able to leave a footprint in your life, as you have left yours in mine.

                Congratulations and good luck J … And never forget - I’ve got your back.

Although I lost Sarah today as a coworker, I have not lost her as a friend. We often associate loss with feelings of emptiness or thinking a void will be there, but the truth is, even though you lost something or someone, you gained so much more by having them in your life no matter how brief their visit.

Life Changes

July 1st 

There are some things in my life that need to be changed, some more drastically than others. Some I have control over and some I don’t. Some can be started now but with some, I just have to ride it out for a bit longer. Since I cannot control everything, I thought I would start with the things I can. And since I have struggled with my weight for the majority of my life I have decided to start there. What inspired this insatiable inner drive to change now? Perhaps it is because I will be 30 next month and it is time to get into shape. I want to be healthy and finally like what I see when I look in the mirror in the morning. I like my personality and who I have become on the inside. It is time to match the outside with what is inside.

                I have slowly begun to give up what (feels like anyway) my lifeline – soda. Oh so bad for me. It’s a double-edged sword but just that one move will make a big difference. Yesterday, I splurged and had 2 cans of soda and was so mad at myself. Today I opened a can and only drank half of it in about the course of 3 hours. I felt so bloated and gross so I went to the fridge and pulled out the water jug. I even bought some ice cubes trays that freeze the water in different shapes – stars, grapes, and strawberries. Small mercies like that make this change much easier to handle. Small mercy # 2 – salsa dancing. Dancing to music you enjoy sure makes it fun to work on losing weight. The perfect music I found dancing to is basically anything from Pit Bull, Nayer, Mohombi and even Jennifer Lopez. They have the Mexican/Caribbean beat which gets your body moving. Flo Rida provides some bumpin’ tunes also.

                Grocery shopping was just about as difficult and painful as child birth, I swear. But I did well. Cantaloupe, red and green grapes, and blackberries were what I walked out with. High five! I survived the chip and cookie aisle…and even went into the soda aisle without grabbing any. Double high five!

                This sucks. Just being honest. But it is something I have set my mind to, and if you know me, I do not give up on things I want. Surfing for some ideas on workouts and meal plans, I came across some awesome motivational posters on Pinterest. One of them says, “Whatever you do, do not give up. Because for once, this is for you.” Yo. That’s right. This is for me. As a mother, I am constantly sacrificing myself and things I want for me, but not this time. This is for me.

July 2^nd

                Wow, I sure feel all the dancing I did yesterday! Feels great though. I thought I would be absolutely dying for a soda this morning but I’m not. I don’t even have a headache. I’m actually looking forward to the coffee being gone so I can have some water. How about that? This is cool. I feel it in my legs and abs but they aren’t sore enough to not do it again today. Now, I just have to keep remembering to eat healthy and resist the junk food. But, if it isn’t in the house, I can’t eat it. Right? Right.

                I will continue to document my journey through this. I know it is going to be difficult, especially when eating out, but I just have to remember why I’m doing this, and resist the temptation. 

Where Do You Find Inspiration?

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."

Mahatma Gandhi

                Have you ever come across something or someone that completely changed your life? Now, I’m not talking about the actual birth of your children or the day you said “I do” to the person of your dreams. Do you find it in rainbows? Do you find it in the writing and rambling of others? How about the way nature works? These are great ways to find inspiration but what I am talking about is something or someone that has altered the way you perceive events or the actions of others in a way that you never thought you would; someone that sees the good in every situation and truly genuinely prays for the good of everyone, no matter who they are. She doesn’t pray for her own salvation; she prays because that’s how big her heart is.

                I was given the opportunity to meet someone exactly as I described above. This person sees the good in everything and everyone, and does not cast judgment. She has been dealt a losing hand in some areas, and lots of people I know would have thrown in the towel a long time ago, but she presses on and keeps a smile on her face (although I’m sure behind closed doors, she lets her pain show). I see her almost every day and I know she is struggling with some things and I wish I could take some of her pain and sorrow away, and make even one thing easier for her to handle. She is completely selfless and bends over backwards to make sure everyone is happy and has what they want/need, despite her own wants and desires. Perhaps the most disheartening thing is that people walk all over her. They fail to see the daily sacrifices she makes for them and that makes me sad. I wish I could just slap them with a reality check.

                Searching for inspiration for a long time, I have finally found it. I find it in her. Had it not been for her words or even that kind-hearted smile of hers, I would have walked away a long time ago. There have been many things happening in my life over the course of the past few months, many ups and downs (too darn many to count!), but she has always had my back and has supported me in any decision I made. She is true to the world, but most importantly, she is true to herself. She is the epitome of genuine. The world needs more people like her. 

               Seriously.  

                Wherever you are or wherever you may go, please remember that the world is not all bad. Take that extra moment and let someone go before you in line at the store, or smile when someone is looking at you. You never know - They might need that small act of random kindness; it may mean something so much more to them. Be an inspiration to someone else. We (parents) are so concerned with being a good influence to our children but do we ever think about being a good influence to our neighbors?

                In closing, I would like to thank you, my friend, (yes, I am leaving her unnamed) from the very bottom of my heart for being…YOU. We go through a lot every day but I am very grateful for knowing you and having the opportunity to be your friend. Just remember, I have your back :)

"This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind...let it be something good." 

Author Unknown 

Pasta Milano

What you need for a double batch (allows for plenty of leftovers):

• 2 sticks of real butter

• 1 ½ cups grated Parmesan cheese

• Half of medium size carton whipping cream (approximately 1-1/4 cup)

• 1 tsp salt

• Black pepper

• 1 box of bow-tie pasta

• 2-3 chicken breasts – sliced into strips on an angle

Here’s what you do:

• Boil bow-tie pasta

• Season chicken as you would any other time and fry (or bake, although that will add a significant amount of time onto the preparation time)

• Remove chicken from pan and place in separate dish or container and cover to keep warm

• Rinse the pan (why dirty more pans than necessary?), cut up butter into pieces and melt in the pan

• When the butter is almost all melted, add whipping cream and stir 

• Stir frequently until mixture begins to bubble (not boil, BUBBLE – you will know what it is when it happens

• Reduce heat and simmer for 6 minutes, stirring frequently

• Add Parmesan cheese, salt and pepper

• Drain pasta and spoon in sauce, mix until coated

• Stir in chicken

**Serve with garlic bread and side salad**

Best side salad

• Fresh iceberg lettuce with zesty Italian dressing

Homemade garlic bread – so easy it’s silly!

• Butter slices of white bread and sprinkle with garlic salt and garlic powder

• Bake at 375 for about 5 minutes or just until the crust is firm

Yoga

A few months ago I ventured into trying to do yoga. I have fallen in love with this practice and think everyone should give it a try. It is low impact and focuses on breathing versus power and strength. You do not need to be Superman or Wonder Woman to do this. You just need to know how to breathe ;)

A couple years ago I ruptured a disk in my back which has been extremely debilitating for me and limits what kinds of exercises or activities I am able to do. Discovering yoga was the best thing I could have come across and tried. Now don’t get me wrong, some of the poses and positions are hard, and I am still not able to do all of the reps in a set yet, but I am getting better and the moves are becoming easier for me the more I do this workout.

What is amazing about yoga is that you can feel how your body is going to look as you continue to do this. Your body tightens and I find myself holding in and tightening my abs for several days after each workout. I go several days in between workouts just to make sure my back will be able to hold up but I am working into doing this more frequently as my body is now demanding more. This is also a fantastic stress reliever! Because you are focusing on breathing and pushing energy through your body, you are not thinking of the things that are weighing you down. I close my eyes, listen to Jillian, and focus my breathing on my movements.

If you have never tried it, try it! I work out to Jillian Michaels but you could use any yoga DVD or online video to work to. I prefer Jillian because she is tough but very encouraging and motivating. She is the type of personality that works well with mine and she pushes me to dig deeper and work through some of the tougher poses.

So even if you do not need or want to lose weight or tone your body, at least try this if you are experiencing some stress in your life. We all have those days where we think we cannot handle anymore and that it would be easier to give up. I have those days. More often than not, I think, but that’s part of why I love yoga so much. TRY IT! You won’t be sorry you did! You can buy her DVD which as a beginner workout and an intermediate one ($9 at Walmart) or you can buy her 30-Day Shred DVD which comes with a mat and dumbbells for $14. I bought both and will be starting the 30-Day Shred shortly. I have another plan I am working on as well so I have to sit down and plan the workouts so they are not clashing with one another.

The 30-Day Shred I hear is an ass-kicker so wish me luck! I will keep you posted on my progress and hope you will join me in the journey to get fit! My next post will consist of goals I have set for myself and then I will continue to update on my progress throughout the journey of getting fit.

Won’t you join me?!

Please Take Action!

 

Anyone who knows me is well aware of the fact that I am an advocate for sharks. I am trying to be a voice for the voiceless, and have been fighting to outlaw finning and the sale of fins and shark fin soup all around the world. I have been active in signing petitions and even gave a presentation for a school project to bring awareness about the horrific way these creatures die.

Ever since I was a kid I have been fascinated with sharks of every kind. Many (if not most) people see them as man-eaters and killing machines, but they are mistaken. In fact, there is more of a possibility of being struck by lightning TWICE than to be attacked by a shark. Sure, there are rogue sharks out there that will eat anything and everything, and will attack unprovoked, but there are dogs out there that will do the same.

I believe that people have their minds in this frame because they are not properly educated on the subject or the animal. But that’s what I am here to do. People kill one shark every 4 seconds and that totals to be approximately 75 million sharks per year. What happens is the shark is pulled on board a fishing vessel and the fins are hacked off. This happens while the shark is very much alive and feels every slice of the fisherman’s blade. It is then tossed back into the ocean where it will die one of three ways: drowning because it has no fins to swim; starving to death because it cannot catch food; or it will be eaten alive by other marine life.  What a horrible death. Imagine having your arms and legs removed and then being thrown over the hull of a ship. Not such a pretty site when we put ourselves in the place of the shark, is it?

 

There are many states and countries that have already passed laws either banning the fishing of sharks or have added stipulations to the law such as requiring the fins be naturally intact and attached to the animal when the ship arrives to port. California and Oregon recently were added to the list of states placing restrictions on finning. Senator Legarda from the Philippines has been working to push a law to be enacted there. Currently there is no law in place which only encourages people to fish for, and slaughter, these animals. Please search for petitions that work toward banning completely, restricting the fishing practice, or removes Shark Fin Soup from menus. I don't really know why people eat this soup anyhow. It has absolutely NO nutritional value and no taste. I've read that it is more for political power and prestige because it is so expensive but that is the only reason. Hardly seems like an adequate reason to kill off millions of sharks every year ... 

 

Sharks take approximately 20 years (or more!) to mature so when they are killed off, they are in danger of becoming extinct. Just in the last 40-50 years, some species have been decimated by as much as 99%! They are the apex predator but are very sensitive to changes, especially fishing. Other impacts from finning are what are called “long lines.” These are nets that stretch between 1 and 100 miles across the ocean and catch anything that swims into them. It could be a shark, various types of fish, sea birds such as albatross, sting rays, and even sea turtles. Not only are the sharks being affected but so is the entire marine ecosystem.

 

Please take action! Whether you eat Shark Fin Soup or not, if you do not care one way or another, please sign a petition. These creatures have been around since before the dinosaurs; we should not be the ones that put an end to the ultimate evolution!

www.change.org

 

(Photos property of SeaPics.com)