Mama's Boys

              I have 2 biological children and 3 stepchildren. I have been blessed biologically with a boy and a girl – the very best of both worlds! – but there is a difference between the bonds I have for each of them. One is not stronger or better than the other; they are just different. My daughter is now 10 years old and I am no longer someone she sees as a “friend” or, what my mom always said, my buddy. She now views me as “Mom” and that’s it. Granted, when she was small, she would hug me and kiss me all the time but not so much now that it’s just not cool to kiss your mom in public.

                My boy is still a baby to me (he just turned 3) and boy oh boy does he ever love his mama. He runs to me when I come home from work and throws his arms around me. I love that so much. Sometimes I wonder if this bond feels so different because I almost lost him when he was born (he has Cerebral Palsy and a whole other slew of health problems), or if it is because my life was different when I had him, or just because little boys are so darn precious. Whatever the reason, there is something special about the bond I have with him. Because of this bond with him, I have decided to write a few rules or tips for Moms and their boys.

1.       Let him be tough – Let him bang on his trucks or get him a play tool set, fully equipped with hammer and drill. He will want to be tough like his daddy … let him. Boys look up to the men in their lives and this is an important role that Dad plays. If Dad is not present, as is the case in some families, this is where brothers or Grandpas take part.

2.       It is okay to let him play with dolls – Many moms (and more dads) disagree with this but playing with dolls teaches him how to hold babies and care for tiny and precious things.

3.       Talk to him about everything – Talk to him. Tell him what you are doing when you are in the kitchen or when you are doing laundry. Explain to him … well, explain everything. Even if he is itty-bitty, he will absorb your words. But don’t just tell him what you are doing, explain WHY you are doing it, and tell him the consequence of not taking that action.

4.       Teach him consequences – For every action there is a reaction. This applies to everything in his life. If he works hard at school and gets good grades, he will have a better chance at a better college. If he gets into a better college, he will be more likely to land a good job and will be able to support himself. If he gets poor grades, the opposite with happen. If you believe in Karma, this comes into play here also. If you want good things to happen to you, do good things for others, or for the world.

5.       Teach him about finances – Teach him to save money and be frugal yet spontaneous. He needs to know how to budget his money and save for emergencies but he also needs to know that it is okay to spend money on things that he wants. He will need to know the difference between needs and wants, but once everything is taken care of that he needs, he can get the things he wants.

6.       He needs to know how to cook and clean – Knowing how to take care of your own home is something that should start early. Kids as young as 2 years old can start helping out around the house. Starting at an early age can help buffer some of the shock of a 12 year old just now having to start washing dishes or doing laundry. He may buck against you now but he (or at least his wife!) will appreciate it later in life.

7.       Home-cooked meals are always the better choice – I was raised with a home-cooked meal every day when I was younger and I do that for my family. We have all the food groups and sit at the table together. Even if he is cooking for one, it does not take much to peel a couple potatoes and bake a piece of chicken. It is so much healthier and satisfying than a t.v. dinner or take-out. Not to mention, it is easier on the stomach as much as it is easier on the wallet.

8.       Be his biggest fan and loudest cheerleader – He will look to you for encouragement in sports, in school, and life in general. Let your pride emanate through your eyes and your smile. Encourage him to keep up the great work and to always do his best.

9.       Let him fall – And that he will do. Many times. Sometimes it hurts to see him fall or fail but it is important for him to learn to pick himself back up. You can be there to encourage him but do it from the sidelines. The worst thing you can do is enable him or coddle him. Teach him to learn from that fall and teach him how to make sure he has proper footing so as to not make the same mistake again.

10.   Get him a dog – Dogs are a man’s best friend. He will need to walk the dog to keep him healthy; provide fresh food and water; love and care for it; and the responsibility of caring for something that is dependent upon him.

11.   KISS HIM … LOTS!! Steal kisses every chance you get. No matter how old he is, kiss him. You’re his mom. You made those cheeks. It is your God-given right to kiss them at your will J .  He may scoff at you when he is in front of his friends or in front of his new girlfriend, but he will secretly love it.

12.   Encourage friendships with both males and females – Having healthy relationships with members of both sexes will help him be more rounded as an individual. He will learn that women are different than men and cannot be lumped all together into one.

13.   Be assertive but not bossy – Being assertive will help him get the things he wants out of life but being bossy will make him ugly. Nobody likes a bossy person. He will need to know the difference between the two in order to be successful.

14.   Have fun – It is just as important to have fun as it is to be responsible. There needs to be a certain degree in both but he needs to be able to let loose and have some fun. This is, after all, the only life we get. We must make the best of it. Teach him the importance of traveling to the places he wants to see, tasting different foods especially from different cultures, playing games, and laughing. Teach that there can be fun in everything he does.

15.   No matter where he goes, you will be there – Whether he’s down the block or on the other side of the world, he will never be alone. You will be there in his heart and in his corner rooting for him. Because of all those things you taught him while growing up, he will know what to do. He will feel your guidance and your quiet words in the back of his mind steering him in the right direction. Make sure he knows that he will never ever be alone.

Remember Moms, no matter how old your baby boy is, he will still be your baby boy. Teach him these things and trust that you have done a fine job. It may not always seem like it but no one ever said being a mom is easy … and I don’t know one mom who is perfect. Although my mom likes to say that she is as close to perfect as one can get J

Leaving Footprints

Sometimes people come into our lives and then leave shortly after. Although their presence is brief, they never leave you without leaving something with you. This something they leave may be tangible, something you can touch or see, but this something may also be very subtle, such as the way you perceive things, or how you respond to everyday life. Whether that “something” is tangible or not, they leave their footprints.

                Today I said goodbye to someone that has become my friend. We worked together and shared in many ups and downs over the course of several months. She has moved on to better things and I could not be happier for her. I, however, am going through a range of emotions. I am a bit envious that she has been able to free herself from the shackles of bondage from that “place;” I am a bit sad that I will not see her everyday anymore because she was what kept me grounded when I wanted to turn my filter off; but above all, I am very happy for her.

                I made a post recently about where I find my inspiration. I find it from her. Despite the fact that I will no longer see her every day, she will continue to inspire me.

                So Sarah, I wish you the absolute very best on your new journey. Starting over can be hard (I think it can be more scary than anything!) but you will do great. They are very lucky to have you, and that “place” is going to feel your loss. We lost a very valuable asset today. Not only will the staff miss you dearly but so will all those customers that you have taken such good care of for the last couple years. I have learned a great deal from you and will carry that knowledge with me forever. I hope that I was able to leave a footprint in your life, as you have left yours in mine.

                Congratulations and good luck J … And never forget - I’ve got your back.

Although I lost Sarah today as a coworker, I have not lost her as a friend. We often associate loss with feelings of emptiness or thinking a void will be there, but the truth is, even though you lost something or someone, you gained so much more by having them in your life no matter how brief their visit.

Life Changes

July 1st 

There are some things in my life that need to be changed, some more drastically than others. Some I have control over and some I don’t. Some can be started now but with some, I just have to ride it out for a bit longer. Since I cannot control everything, I thought I would start with the things I can. And since I have struggled with my weight for the majority of my life I have decided to start there. What inspired this insatiable inner drive to change now? Perhaps it is because I will be 30 next month and it is time to get into shape. I want to be healthy and finally like what I see when I look in the mirror in the morning. I like my personality and who I have become on the inside. It is time to match the outside with what is inside.

                I have slowly begun to give up what (feels like anyway) my lifeline – soda. Oh so bad for me. It’s a double-edged sword but just that one move will make a big difference. Yesterday, I splurged and had 2 cans of soda and was so mad at myself. Today I opened a can and only drank half of it in about the course of 3 hours. I felt so bloated and gross so I went to the fridge and pulled out the water jug. I even bought some ice cubes trays that freeze the water in different shapes – stars, grapes, and strawberries. Small mercies like that make this change much easier to handle. Small mercy # 2 – salsa dancing. Dancing to music you enjoy sure makes it fun to work on losing weight. The perfect music I found dancing to is basically anything from Pit Bull, Nayer, Mohombi and even Jennifer Lopez. They have the Mexican/Caribbean beat which gets your body moving. Flo Rida provides some bumpin’ tunes also.

                Grocery shopping was just about as difficult and painful as child birth, I swear. But I did well. Cantaloupe, red and green grapes, and blackberries were what I walked out with. High five! I survived the chip and cookie aisle…and even went into the soda aisle without grabbing any. Double high five!

                This sucks. Just being honest. But it is something I have set my mind to, and if you know me, I do not give up on things I want. Surfing for some ideas on workouts and meal plans, I came across some awesome motivational posters on Pinterest. One of them says, “Whatever you do, do not give up. Because for once, this is for you.” Yo. That’s right. This is for me. As a mother, I am constantly sacrificing myself and things I want for me, but not this time. This is for me.

July 2^nd

                Wow, I sure feel all the dancing I did yesterday! Feels great though. I thought I would be absolutely dying for a soda this morning but I’m not. I don’t even have a headache. I’m actually looking forward to the coffee being gone so I can have some water. How about that? This is cool. I feel it in my legs and abs but they aren’t sore enough to not do it again today. Now, I just have to keep remembering to eat healthy and resist the junk food. But, if it isn’t in the house, I can’t eat it. Right? Right.

                I will continue to document my journey through this. I know it is going to be difficult, especially when eating out, but I just have to remember why I’m doing this, and resist the temptation.