I have 2 biological children and 3 stepchildren. I have been
blessed biologically with a boy and a girl – the very best of both worlds! –
but there is a difference between the bonds I have for each of them. One is not
stronger or better than the other; they are just different. My daughter is now 10 years old and I am no longer
someone she sees as a “friend” or, what my mom always said, my buddy. She now
views me as “Mom” and that’s it. Granted, when she was small, she would hug me
and kiss me all the time but not so much now that it’s just not cool to kiss
your mom in public.
My boy
is still a baby to me (he just turned 3) and boy oh boy does he ever love his
mama. He runs to me when I come home from work and throws his arms around me. I
love that so much. Sometimes I wonder if this bond feels so different because I
almost lost him when he was born (he has Cerebral Palsy and a whole other slew
of health problems), or if it is because my life was different when I had him,
or just because little boys are so darn precious. Whatever the reason, there is
something special about the bond I have with him. Because of this bond with
him, I have decided to write a few rules or tips for Moms and their boys.
1.
Let
him be tough – Let him bang on his trucks or get him a play tool set,
fully equipped with hammer and drill. He will want to be tough like his daddy …
let him. Boys look up to the men in their lives and this is an important role
that Dad plays. If Dad is not present, as is the case in some families, this is
where brothers or Grandpas take part.
2.
It is
okay to let him play with dolls – Many moms (and more dads) disagree
with this but playing with dolls teaches him how to hold babies and care for
tiny and precious things.
3.
Talk
to him about everything – Talk to
him. Tell him what you are doing when you are in the kitchen or when you are
doing laundry. Explain to him … well, explain everything. Even if he is
itty-bitty, he will absorb your words. But don’t just tell him what you are
doing, explain WHY you are doing it, and tell him the consequence of not taking
that action.
4.
Teach
him consequences – For every action there is a reaction. This applies
to everything in his life. If he works hard at school and gets good grades, he
will have a better chance at a better college. If he gets into a better
college, he will be more likely to land a good job and will be able to support himself.
If he gets poor grades, the opposite with happen. If you believe in Karma, this
comes into play here also. If you want good things to happen to you, do good
things for others, or for the world.
5.
Teach
him about finances – Teach him to save money and be frugal yet
spontaneous. He needs to know how to budget his money and save for emergencies
but he also needs to know that it is okay to spend money on things that he
wants. He will need to know the difference between needs and wants, but once
everything is taken care of that he needs,
he can get the things he wants.
6.
He
needs to know how to cook and clean – Knowing how to take care of your
own home is something that should start early. Kids as young as 2 years old can
start helping out around the house. Starting at an early age can help buffer
some of the shock of a 12 year old just now having to start washing dishes or
doing laundry. He may buck against you now but he (or at least his wife!) will
appreciate it later in life.
7.
Home-cooked
meals are always the better choice – I was raised with a home-cooked
meal every day when I was younger and I do that for my family. We have all the
food groups and sit at the table together. Even if he is cooking for one, it
does not take much to peel a couple potatoes and bake a piece of chicken. It is
so much healthier and satisfying than a t.v. dinner or take-out. Not to mention,
it is easier on the stomach as much as it is easier on the wallet.
8.
Be his
biggest fan and loudest cheerleader – He will look to you for
encouragement in sports, in school, and life in general. Let your pride emanate
through your eyes and your smile. Encourage him to keep up the great work and
to always do his best.
9.
Let
him fall – And that he will do. Many times. Sometimes it hurts to see
him fall or fail but it is important for him to learn to pick himself back up.
You can be there to encourage him but do it from the sidelines. The worst thing
you can do is enable him or coddle him. Teach him to learn from that fall and
teach him how to make sure he has proper footing so as to not make the same
mistake again.
10.
Get
him a dog – Dogs are a man’s best friend. He will need to walk the dog
to keep him healthy; provide fresh food and water; love and care for it; and
the responsibility of caring for something that is dependent upon him.
11.
KISS
HIM … LOTS!! Steal kisses every chance you get. No matter how old he
is, kiss him. You’re his mom. You made those cheeks. It is your God-given right
to kiss them at your will J
. He may scoff at you when he is in
front of his friends or in front of his new girlfriend, but he will secretly
love it.
12.
Encourage
friendships with both males and females – Having healthy relationships
with members of both sexes will help him be more rounded as an individual. He
will learn that women are different than men and cannot be lumped all together
into one.
13.
Be
assertive but not bossy – Being assertive will help him get the things
he wants out of life but being bossy will make him ugly. Nobody likes a bossy
person. He will need to know the difference between the two in order to be
successful.
14.
Have
fun – It is just as important to have fun as it is to be responsible.
There needs to be a certain degree in both but he needs to be able to let loose
and have some fun. This is, after all, the only life we get. We must make the
best of it. Teach him the importance of traveling to the places he wants to
see, tasting different foods especially from different cultures, playing games,
and laughing. Teach that there can be fun in everything he does.
15.
No
matter where he goes, you will be there – Whether he’s down the block
or on the other side of the world, he will never be alone. You will be there in
his heart and in his corner rooting for him. Because of all those things you
taught him while growing up, he will know what to do. He will feel your
guidance and your quiet words in the back of his mind steering him in the right
direction. Make sure he knows that he will never ever be alone.
Remember Moms, no matter how old your baby boy is, he
will still be your baby boy. Teach him these things and trust that you have
done a fine job. It may not always seem like it but no one ever said being a
mom is easy … and I don’t know one mom who is perfect. Although my mom likes to
say that she is as close to perfect as one can get J
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